• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

TITLE: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

YEAR: 1988

GENRE: Horror and Comedy

Back in the 1980’s there were a fair amount of directors and producers that were making over the top films that combined horror and comedy. Between the quickly fading drive-ins looking for more seedy material to keep the kids coming to the Mom and Pop video stores that were desperate for any material to fill their shelves, producers like Roger Corman and Lloyd Kaufman were able to capitalize on this unique time in film making history by filling the void with movies that promised blood, babes, and boobs. There are a few that became classics such as The Toxic Avenger, but many were delegated to the scrap heap known as VHS-only releases. One of those classicks was Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, a gleefully over the top romp of bloodshed and naked ladies that is still a good laugh today.

Jack Chandler (played by Jay Richardson) is a not-so-bright gumshoe detective who has recently been hired by a distraught family to find their runaway daughter Samantha (Linnea Quigley).  Many people have been discovered dismembered in the fair city, so Chandler starts on the hunt expecting the worst. Little does he know that he will fall into the waiting arms of a small band of prostitutes who are members of an ancient Egyptian chainsaw worshipping cult that have been responsible for the trail of blood-drenched carnage. Led by a mysterious man only known as The Stranger (Gunnar Hansen), the cult members decide that Chandler is to be the next sacrifice to their Egyptian god. Samantha also happens to be part of the cult, but her reasons for being there are different than giving homage to Isis.

Yes, the plot is not too intelligent and the production values are pretty limited for its $23,000 budget. However, it is the insane comical nature of the storyline and subsequent script that make Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers a memorable production that has stayed in print for a lot longer than many of its contemporaries. The scene where Mercedes (Michelle Bauer) seduces a military veteran, strips down to the suit God gave her and does a sexy dance while covering up her precious Elvis memorabilia with plastic is strange enough, but when she carves the guy like a Thanksgiving turkey is one of the strangest scenes in cult cinematic history. Another interesting oddity is the “Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws” done by Quigley in which she swings two chainsaws wearing nothing but body paint to the approval of The Stranger and other cult members. There are also plenty of memorable one-liners throughout the film mostly delivered by Richardson in a dry tone, which makes them all the more entertaining. In addition the simple casting of Gunnar Hansen, the original Leatherface in the 1974 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, as the leader of the cult is funny in itself.

Director Fred Olen Ray currently makes sexy vampire movies for Cinemax, but he has also made some quality B-flicks including Scalps, Evil Toons, and the very under rated Deep Space. Nobody will mistake this film for The Shawshank Redemption, but Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers has carved out its own spot in the history of 1980’s cinema. Oh sure it is low budget, but that does not detract from the fact that the script is strangely amusing. The situations throughout Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers are so ridiculous yet enchanting enough that the film does require a viewing by any fan of extreme cinema. This one is not for the people who have a hankering for PG-13 horror movies, so all the kids should leave this one out of their Netflix queues. More mature horror fans looking for a good laugh along with their buckets of blood will find Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers to be an entertaining yet outlandish viewing.

* * * 1/2

–Mark

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