• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

The Creeps

TITLE: The Creeps

YEAR; 1997

GENRE: Horror and Comedy

In the world of independent film making there are several companies that are well known for making large amounts of low-grade sleaze. Full Moon Productions is one of those companies that are experts at making low budget horror and science fiction films that are minimal on production values but high on exploitation. Full Moon does have its classics including the creative Dollman and the Puppet Master franchise, but for every one good film that Full Moon has delivered  it has created ten steaming piles of crap. This is the case with The Creeps, an exploitative mountain of trash that has no social or artistic value.

Dr. Winston Berber (played by Bill Moynihan) is a mad scientist with a passion for classic horror fiction, and has a plan to use some antique books to re-create the monsters from traditional 18th century fiction in an attempt to conquer the world. Dr. Berber is not the best scientist however, and in the process of creating Dracula (Phil Fondacaro), the Wolfman (Joe Simanton), the Mummy (Joe Smith), and Frankenstein’s monster (Thomas Wellington) he screws up and his monsters are only three feet tall. The monsters decide to terrorize librarian Anna Quarrels (Rhonda Griffin) and video store owner David Raleigh (Justin Lauer), and it is up to them to send the pint-sized elements of our nightmares back to the literary world where they belong.

A horror film made by Full Moon with midgets as the monsters could either be terrifying or comical but The Creeps is neither. Some of the filming of the miniature monsters is appealing at times especially a few shots of Frankenstein, but the mini status of these classic fiends is difficult to take seriously. The script written by Benjamin Carr (who wrote many Full Moon films as well as the remake of Thir13en Ghosts) does have some cohesion but just does not capture the imagination or the interest of the viewer. It is just a stupid concept that does not work on any level. To attempt to create interest the story adds a few exploitative elements over the obvious little people gaffs including a scene where Griffin sheds her shirt for some unknown reason during a chase scene through the library. The best part of the film is the portrayal of Dracula by Fondacaro, which shows that he is actually taking his role seriously and is attempting to do an admirable job performing his role. It is too bad that everybody else knows that they are in a turkey of a film and do not pick up on Fondacaro’s example.

It is difficult to mercilessly pick apart a film because I know that there is effort in the production, but this is one film that Full Moon CEO Charles Band should have some shame in the final product. The Creeps has little to no redeeming value at all and is not scary, funny, or entertaining on any level. The Creeps is an attempt to take advantage of the little people in this film for a laugh and a cheap excuse to display Griffin’s jugs. There is no effort here to make a quality production or to give homage to a certain genre or style of film, and as a result I just can not recommend this to anybody. The Creeps is a waste of the viewer’s time with the exception of Fondacaro’s fairly acceptable performance.

* 1/2

–Mark

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