• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Stupid Teenagers Must Die!

TITLE: Stupid Teenagers Must Die!

YEAR: 2006

GENRE: Horror and Comedy

Horror comedies have been popular for decades. Ever since Abbott and Costello discovered that a monster in their films equals big bucks, Hollywood has been looking for that film that combines scares and laughs for the big budget payoff. Recent efforts such as Zombieland and Shaun Of The Dead have been big hits with horror fans, and it would make sense that the B-movie world would also jump on the proverbial bandwagon to create their own rendition parody of Halloween or Friday The 13th. Stupid Teenagers Must Die! is one of those horror comedies that attempted to lampoon another horror classic, in this case The Evil Dead. Attempt is the operative word here, as Stupid Teenagers Must Die! has few redeeming moments and falls short in creating an acceptable horror comedy.

It is sometime in the 1980’s, and a group of not-so-bright teenagers get together in the bowels of an abandoned house to conjure up the spirit of dead psychopath Murderer McGee by using a Ouija board. Before the séance can even happen, strange things begin to happen to the unsuspecting teenagers. As the one-dimensional characters begin to die and the women find unique ways to lose their clothes it is up to Kane (played by Jovan Meredith) to save what survivors are left. But the odds are against them: after all, they are stupid teenagers and they are in a horror movie. Will any of them survive the ghost of Murderer McGee?

Stupid Teenagers Must Die! does its best to collect all the 1980’s teenager stereotypes and lampoon them in this production, including the tough biker kid, nerds, lipstick lesbians, the Goth chick, the proverbial nice guy who likes a chesty blonde who will not give him the time of day, and the token black guy. These parodies work on some levels but fall flat in most situations. All the production values of this film are beyond terrible: the cinematography looks like a 1980’s camcorder and is poorly lit, the special effects consists of lots of Karo’s syrup and not much else, the sound is weak at times and even hard to hear in others, lighting is way too dark, and some camera angles literally last for minutes at a time. There is nothing wrong with a low budget film, but at least the basics have to be acceptable. The acting skills are minimal at best and in many cases are grossly over exaggerated to the point of being annoying. It is surprising that three of the cast members do some nudity, fairly unusual in ultra low budget films considering that the thespians were probably not paid much if at all for their services. The sad aspect is that these obligatory tit shots are the best part of an otherwise uninteresting film, and it appears that Stupid Teenagers Must Die! (it was originally titled Blood and Guts before its release) may have been a serious production before the inevitable conclusion that the film was rotten to the core and was therefore marketed as a parody. I am not sure if that happened or not, but it sure appears to be the truth.

Lindsay Gareth is the best looking topless girl in the bunch and has moved on to Hollywood parodies The Comebacks and Not Another B Movie; almost everybody else’s career began and ended with this film. There is nothing wrong with making ultra low budget productions, but a decent script and acceptable production values must exist in order for the film to be watchable. Stupid Teenagers Must Die! unfortunately did not follow these guidelines and ended up with creating an unorganized mess of a production. Stupid Teenagers Must Die! is a terrible end product that is not worth the 75 minutes the viewer would lose tolerating this junk.

*

–Mark

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