• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

5ive Girls

TITLE: 5ive Girls

YEAR: 2006

GENRE: Horror

Horror films aimed at teen girls have been littering the market for quite a long time. Ever since Hollywood executives discovered that teenagers love to be scared films geared to the 13-18 demographic have been distributed in droves. Some are downright classic films such as Halloween and Carrie, but most are not memorable and are usually all but forgotten within a couple years of its initial release. This is the case with the witchcraft teen film 5ive Girls, which uses too many obvious influences to produce an average at best horror film that offers little in terms of new ideas to the genre.

Five years after a student mysteriously dies the St. Mark’s Catholic Boarding School For Girls reopens for five troubled teenage girls that all have unique abilities such as second sight, telekinesis, and the ability to walk through solid objects. It is the job of dictatorial and punishment loving headmistress Miss Pearce (played by Amy LaLonde) and heavy drinking priest Father Drake (Ron Perlman) to whip the girls figurative and literally into wholesome shape. The five delinquents are warned to not enter the closed off areas of the third floor of the store, which is enough to send some of the girls to go exploring into banned territory. The girls discover that a pentagram on the third floor releases a demon hell-bent on possessing the teenagers, and a familiar face is leading the demon to its conquest of the five girls. It is up to the girls to fight together to survive on onslaught of the demon and to be able to leave the school alive with their very souls intact.

5ive Girls has several problems with its execution and story telling, which drags down an otherwise quality production. Part of the time 5ive Girls attempts to be a rip-off of The Craft and other times it feels too much like a teen drama a la “The Vampire Diaries” but does not succeed in either effort. The film could have been a great piece on a coven of wiccan witches battling evil, but there are too many teen issues and “nobody understands me” moments added that drag the film down. There are some exploitative elements hinted at such as when the girls are stripped down to bras and panties to check for contraband, but 5ive Girls pretty much sticks with PG-13 style T&A so the guys who reference Mr. Skin for quality movie watching experiences will be sorely disappointed. The film also does its best to bash Catholicism with the stereotypical priest and headmistress as well as using crucifixes as weapons, but that comes across as cliché and at times disrespectful. On the positive, all the girls are cute in their schoolgirl outfits (yup, the skirts are as high as possible) and the acting is much better than a teen scream film would deserve.

Director William P. Sonoda is most know for directing music videos in Canada, receiving four MuchMusic Video Awards (the Canadian equivalent of MTV) and having directed over 170 music videos. It is obvious that Sonoda does have a good eye in making a decent production, but 5ive Girls forgets to deliver a creative story. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with using other influences in a production, but the writers and director must take that borrowed materials to make their finished product stand out from the mountain of competition. 5ive Girls had the potential to be a great teen scream film but falls short due to a lack of creativity in the storyline. 5ive Girls is not a piece of cinematic crap, but it not groundbreaking either and it too closely resembles too many other projects to make it a memorable offering in the annals of terror.

* * 1/2

–Mark

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