• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell

TITLE: A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell

YEAR: 1990

GENRE: Fantasy and Science Fiction

I have been a fan of some Troma films for over a decade, and there are certain titles such as Class Of Nuke ‘Em High and Rabid Grannies that actually live up to the expectations a bizarre title may create. However, there are just as many over the top titles in the Troma catalog that the best aspect of the movie is the actual title such as the abysmal Curse Of The Cannibal Confederates. It is especially annoying when the title lures the viewer in and in no way represents the finished product. This is the case with A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell, a mind-numbing offering that does not offer dinosaurs, nymphoids or even entertainment.

In the near future, a nuclear war destroys the planet leaving only a few barbarian-style humans running around with mutated bugs who grow to the size of dinosaurs. Lea (played by Linda Corwin) is a female barbarian who has a soft side and is doing her best to survive the post-apocalyptic wasteland. Lea meets Marn (Paul Guzzi), a fairly attractive survivor who is handy with a crossbow, and they frolic through the badlands and swim in the ocean. Life is good until a not so nice barbarian named Clon (Alex Pirnie) appears with a group of lizard men. Clon and his clan kidnap Lea and leave an injured Marn for dead. Marn recovers from his injuries due to the kindness of Old Man (Al Hodder) and as soon as his health allows he goes on the hunt to free Lea from the clutches of Clon. Lea herself is causing problems for Clon and his gang of lizard thugs. Will Marn be able to free Lea from the barbarian or will all the monsters around them devour them for breakfast?

First of all, the name of the film does not fit at all. Since this is a post-apocalyptic film the giant mutated creatures and not dinosaurs, and the only woman in the film does everything possible to dodge sexual contact so using an adjective like nymphoid to explain her is ludicrous. A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell is also a very slow moving movie with about twenty script lines in the entire movie and spends way too much time with musical montages of Lea and Marn frolicking through forests and on the beach. Films starring barbarians are not known for award winning acting portrayals, but the thespian work is so terrible that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s appearance in Conan The Barbarian is Shakespeare compared to the acting in this pterodactyl wreck. The fight scenes are horribly fake and at times difficult to watch plus the paint by numbers plot has numerous plot holes big enough for a Brontosaurus to pass with room to spare. The stop-motion monsters look very Harryhausen circa Jason And The Argonauts over a generation after that classic was released, but the worm monster was especially creative and looked great. The main issue with A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell is that there is little happening between the monster attacks and the viewer may literally sleep through what little this film offers.

A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell is one of these Z-grade trash epics picked up for distribution by Troma and turned out to be one of the consistent selling titles in their catalog. It must be for the catchy title, as A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell is a tedious, dull presentation that other than the acceptable stop-motion effects has nothing to offer modern cinemaphiles other than a MST3K-style laugh here and there. Dig through Troma’s catalog instead of watching this trash as there are many other superior items in their database.

* ½

–Mark

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