• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Zombie Strippers

TITLE: Zombie Strippers

YEAR: 2008

GENRE: Horror and Comedy

When an adult film starlet starts to age (in that industry 25 is almost considered ancient) she is eventually forced to go into other forms of employment. In most cases, the porn stars stay in front of the camera and attempt to cross over to Hollywood as legitimate actresses. By far the most successful of these porn queens turned actresses would be Traci Lords, who left the field at the ripe age of 18 after doing numerous now illegal films and has since starred in John Waters films such as Serial Mom and Cry Baby as well as dozens of B-pictures. Ginger Lynn Allen and Marilyn Chambers have had some levels of success, but most of these women have a terrible time shaking off their sexual roots and either stay in the porn business, do the occasional cameo as “dead hooker #4” on some crime drama, or end up as statistics. Jenna Jameson, known as the “queen of porn” on the internet, has made an occasional appearance on television but finally made the step into a starring role in the independent horror comedy Zombie Strippers, a downright rotten production that offers little to the zombie sub-genre and is a vapid viewing experience.

The United States is at war with nine different countries and is in desperate need for new soldiers to fight on the front lines. A secret military base in Sartre, Nebraska, has perfected a virus that resurrects dead Marines so that they can be sent back to fight the nation’s wars, but the virus has infected the scientists and escapes the lab through an infected Marine. The Marine runs off to an underground strip club just a few blocks away and ends up infecting Kat (played by Jameson), the most popular stripper at the club. Not wanting to lose his best performer, money hungry club owner Ian Essko (Robert Englund) has Kat do her usual dance and much to his surprise the men at the club absolutely adore the new undead dancer and her more uninhibited ways. The rest of the strippers view the customer reactions and some of them actually decide to become zombies to improve their financial well being, especially Goth chick Lillith (Roxy Saint) who believes it would be fun to be a walking undead. The rest of the strippers who choose to stay human must fight to survive against the undead outbreak and military intervention to stop the spread of the virus by any means necessary.

The combination of zombies and strippers in the same film may sound hilariously appealing to more grindhouse horror fans, but it is similar to using a pipe wrench to perform brain surgery: the final results are not very successful. Nobody is expecting Orson Welles when watching a movie titled Zombie Strippers, but the acting for almost everybody is downright terrible especially Jameson who has probably been better in some of her pornographic roles. Englund is a high note in the acting department, as he is gleefully ridiculous as the corrupt business owner who values nothing but the almighty dollar. Zombie Strippers attempts to parody the Bush administration and its conservative approach to social issues, but the lampooning falls woefully short as the message falls on deaf ears in most cases. Strange enough, there is no full frontal nudity (although there are several topless shots) in a film about strippers so viewers hoping for a sex-filled odyssey will have to look elsewhere The special effects are amateurish, there is no creativity in the camera angles or production overall, and the weapons used throughout the movie seem to be smaller than real life.

Jameson returned to the business that spawned her career after Zombie Strippers and made half a dozen adult films but is scheduled to appear in a couple low budget horror offerings in 2012. Plain and simple, Zombie Strippers was a lousy idea from the initial concept and continued rolling downhill from the beginning. Like a walking undead from a Romero film, Zombie Strippers lumbers along throughout its 94 minute life, has little to nothing to say, and needs a bullet in between its eyes to end its pitiful existence. The title creates a few chuckles, but other than that there is nothing to see with Zombie Strippers that has not been done before in a much better and creative way.

* ½

–Mark

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