• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Satan’s Cheerleaders

TITLE: Satan’s Cheerleaders

YEAR: 1977

GENRE: Horror

There are a fair amount of films that receive prolonged life in DVD release mostly because of an outlandish title. Films such as Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama and The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! have enjoyed staying in print over the years due to their moniker and have not suffered the rate of unusually bad productions like ones with more common titles. This is also the case with Satan’s Cheerleaders, a film with a catchy title but unfortunately offers little more than that.

Billy (played by Jack Kruschen) is a local high school janitor who spends his work day mopping floors, cleaning toilets, and spying on the high school cheerleading squad while they shower. Billy is kmore than just a pervert: he is spying on the girls for a local Satanic cult attempting to find a virgin sacrifice for the next solstice. The cheerleaders and their coach Ms. Johnson (Jacqueline Cole) are on the way to a football game when Billy causes their car to break down and he picks them up like a good citizen. He takes them though to his coven leader and local sheriff B.L. Bubb (John Ireland) and his evil wife Emmy (Yvonne DeCarlo). However, one of the cheerleaders is a witch and does not take too kindly to her Satanic captures. Will our buxom cheerleaders escape to cheer the football team onto victory?

Satan’s Cheerleaders is a classic example of a 1970’s film whose flimsy plot gets in the way of the more intended T&A which is the film’s true intentions. There are several scenes where the girls have a water balloon fight, play volleyball, and shower and are produced in ways that are almost softcore porn at times but never cross that line. As would be expected in a film like this, the acting and production values are poor with the exception of the water balloon fight which must have taken a hundred takes to get all the angles used of the balloons exploding over the girls’ chests. The ending is especially stupid and I will not spoil it for those who choose to watch this dreck. There are a couple light moments such as when the coven discovers that none of the cheerleaders are virgins and they must sacrifice the more homely coach, plus the scene where the girls hear a noise in the bushes and it is only an escaped sacrificial goat may create a smile. Other than that, Satan’s Cheerleaders is a fairly useless piece of sleaze cinema that has been created dozens of times in the past. Even a cameo by John Carradine as a homeless bum does little to help this production.

Director/writer Greydon Clark created many blaxploitation and trashy films in the 1970’s and 80’s including Angel’s Brigade, Black Shampoo, and Hi-Riders as well as directing a few episodes of the TV show “Mike Hammer, Private Eye”. Clark does sign autographs periodically at grindhouse horror conventions and is most remembered for Satan’s Cheerleaders, but overall this film screams stupidity in a light, fluffy fashion. Fans who insist that female nudity would improve Citizen Kane might find something to see here, but most fans should stay away from Satan’s Cheerleaders. Give me a C! Give me an R! Give me an A! Give me a P! What does it spell? Satan’s Cheerleaders!

* ½

–Mark

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