• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer

TITLE: Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer

YEAR: 2010

GENRE: Family and Fantasy

Ever since the success of the Harry Potter franchise there have been numerous film makers who have worked to find the next franchise to replace the young wizard on the top of the 8-14 year old demographic food chain. So far no cream has risen to the top, and some of these films are pretty forgettable. One that I will not forget is Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer, as this film could be the absolute worst family-friendly fantasy adventure ever subjected to the pre-teen market if not the fantasy genre as a whole.

Twelve-year-old Arthur (played by Hunter Allan) and his friends Tim (Ryan Bradley Norris) and Natalie (Abigail Victor) are members of the Square Table, a gaming group that plays a Magic The Gathering-style game called Elixir Magic. They also spend their time dodging school bullies, dealing with their parents trying to spoil their fun, and conflicts with their mysterious school vice principal Mrs. Metz (Wendie Malick). When the pre-teens discover a troll named Bart (Richard Sellers) living in the city’s sewers it is also revealed that the game they play has real elements and Mrs. Metz is the caretaker of Blacksmoke, a fierce dragon. The threesome plus the troll go to a gaming convention where they convince washed-up game creator and recovering addict Shane Baker (Eric Lutes) to help them to combat the dragon and its master. Along with Arthur’s mother Laura (Lea Thompson), the ragtag group prepares to combat the dragon and the evil vice-principal to stop the threat once and for all.

Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer has little to no redeeming qualities that would make anybody want to watch this dreck. First of all, the storyline is pretty boring and offers few thrills, as most of the film includes the three kids roaming through dark sewer tunnels and hiding in dark places. The kids do an acceptable job of performing on this, but the adults do not deliver well and seem to be there for the paycheck. The continual whining of the three pre-teens though does get old after a few minutes and their continual and overdrawn conversations comes across as meaningless filler when the occasional chase scene or fantasy element would have been a welcome addition. The CGI dragon, which does not make an appearance until the last ten minutes of the film, looks downright awful and I have seen much better fire-breathing monsters in video games. There are also a fair share of ridiculous scenes that make the plot even more stupid than on its own, especially when the troll does some seizure-style dancing to some hip-hop music and Mrs. Metz’ continual whistle blowing at every opportunity. Even the gaming convention, which is a junior high school gym with a few tables strewn about, is not worth seeing. Another problem happens to be the moral of the story which seems to be that it is acceptable for kids to lie to authority figures and disobedience is acceptable as long as nobody is hurt, which is probably not the best message to send to adolescents.

Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer does serve as a reunion of sorts for the main cast of the NBC comedy “Caroline In The City” as four of the five main cast members were either in the production or served behind the camera. It is too bad that Thompson, who performed so well as Marty McFly’s girlfriend in the epic Back To The Future franchise, has had to resort to performing in nonsensical crap such as this. Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer is a trite, insipid and low-grade piece of adolescent trash that should not be subjected to just about any kid. This is easily the worst fantasy film I have ever seen anywhere and has virtually no redeeming qualities even for a good laugh due to its pathetic approach. This one is downright terrible and should be avoided at all costs as kids deserve much better than Adventures Of A Teenage Dragonslayer.

*

–Mark

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