• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Star Slammer

TITLE: Star Slammer

YEAR: 1986

GENRE: Science Fiction

AKA: Prison Ship, The Adventures Of Taura: Prison Ship Star Slammer

One of the sub-genres of films that came into vogue during the exploitation era of the 1960’s through 80’s was the women in prison film. These films usually featured a supposedly innocent girl ending up in a women’s prison where a loosely based plot would give excuse for lesbian acts, gratuitous T&A, and punishments such as spankings. Sleaze austere Fred Olen Ray, which had created such films as The Brain Leeches and Alien Dead, came up with a bright idea: let’s take the women in prison movies, but make the setting outer space. The result was Star Slammer, a plotless waste of film that is as empty as deep space.

Taura (played by Sandy Brooke) is a barbarian-type of woman who is falsely accused of four murders and is forced to serve a sentence on the prison shape vessel Vehemence operated by corrupt prison warden Exene (Marya Gant).and a prisoner/assistant Muffin (Dawn Wildsmith).. Most of the girls do not appreciate the new entry in their ward especially “Mike” (Susan Stokey), the toughest women on the cell block. Taura is forced to deal with horrible prison food, acts of aggression against her, and giant rats until a murderous man named Bantor (Ross Hagan) arrives on the ship and makes Taura’s life even more horrendous. Taura and the rest of the prisoners devise a grand escape plan that will lead to an epic battle with Exene and Bantor for their freedom from space prison hell.

Women in prison films were not know for being quality productions, and Star Slammer is probably one of the worst examples of the genre. This film has little to no redeeming qualities in the sci-fi department as it is terribly dated looking even for low-grade 1980’s trash, and the exploitation elements of the film offers little more than one actress losing her top but only for a few seconds, some cleavage and butt shots, and one scene where Taura and “Mike” are spanked off-camera. As one would expect from a cast of grade-Z movie veterans and former strippers, the thespian work is downright terrible and lacks any quality. One especially bad scene is a catfight between Taura and “Mike” complete with 80’s montage music and some of the worst fight choreography this side of an MST3K B-reel. A toothy monster makes an appearance which is obviously a guy in a rubber suit, and the space rates are nothing more than hand puppets, and both do look acceptable but nothing special. One positive was an educational video played during chow featuring an expose on the prison’s executioner which was pretty funny, but other than that scene Star Slammer is almost painful to watch.

Ray did move on and create some pretty good yet raunchy works such as Deep Space and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, but later in his career moved on to making sci-fi skin flicks such as Star Slammer for Cinemax. Star Slammer is a downright rotten production that offers little in sci-fi excitement or exploitative skin and as a result does not really deliver anything of substance to either market. Star Slammer is really not worth the time of pretty much any viewer.

*

–Mark

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