• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Final Stab

TITLE: Final Stab

YEAR: 2001

GENRE: Horror

AKA: Final Scream

Director David DeCoteau is best known for directing some of the lowest of low grade horror trash. He started with some promise with minimally financed sleaze such as Creepozoids and Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama, but most of his films are bottom of the barrel productions that offer minimal scares and production values. One of these productions would be Final Stab, a paint by numbers slasher flick that offers virtually nothing to the genre.

Kristin (played by Errin Hayes) is a wealthy socialite and proverbial witch on wheels who has a worthless group of friends who mooch money and drugs off of her. Kristin invites her much nicer sister Angela (Melissa Renee Martin) and her mentally unstable boyfriend Charlie (Jamie Gannon) to her vacation home in the country to supposedly make amends with her estranged sibling. Kristin as usual does have ulterior motives: this home is being converted to a murder mystery farm where patrons pay to solve a homicide complete with fake blood and knives, and Angela and Charlie are the first unwilling test subjects of the business venture. Problems grow however when the staff and mooching friends start to drop dead, and a real killer with a real knife starts knocking off the group one by one. It is now up to Kristin, Angela, and Charlie to solve the mystery of who is really killing their friends and how to survive the night.

College-aged friends vacationing in the woods being stalked by an unknown killer has been played to death since the mid-1980’s, and Final Stab is another forgettable offering in the wave of stalk and slash horror films. The story is so run of the mill that most long-term horror film fans could write this storyline, and probably better than the tepid and uninspired clichés delivered in Final Stab. There is virtually no suspense built up before the kills, and the actual deaths are simplistic and lack and quality splatter effects. Atmosphere, an essential part of quality horror, also relies on stereotypes such as lightning strikes and too dark hallways. Final Stab also delivers one of the standard 1970’s happenings before the carnage—the phone lines being cut—but it occurs to nobody to use their cell phones to call for help. On the positive, Hayes presents a much better than average portrayal as the mean girl and shows some acting chops that are not usually associated with low budget slasher films. Also the filming is lighted properly and the film looks much better than its budget should allow.

Hayes received her film debut with Final Stab and is developing a reputation for more quirky television on shows such as Adult Swim’s “Children’s Hospital”. Launching the career of Hayes might be the saving grace for Final Stab, as there is nothing else that elevates this film above any level other than utter crap. Not worth buying, not worth renting, and not worth streaming.

*

–Mark

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: