• A Review Page For Those Movies You Watch At Home!

    Couch Potato Movie Reviews is, obviously, a blog that exclusively reviews movies. What makes this blog different is the fact that all of the films we are reviewing are all movies that are available on home movie rental companies such as Redbox, Netflix, Blockbuster, and your quickly disappearing neighborhood rental store. This blog is designed to take a more detailed look at those movies that either were sent straight to DVD, received a very limited release in the theaters, or were distributed through the art house or film festival circuit. We will also review those big Hollywood films, but only after they are available for home viewing.

    All the reviews are written by fans of the great art of film making rather than some newspaper reviewer or stuffy film student. We don’t know everything about film but we do know what we like, and we are more than happy to share our opinions with you. What you do with those opinions are totally up to you, although comments are welcome and encouraged.

    Each film review has a one to five star rating at the end of the critique. Here is what those star ratings mean for you couch potatoes:

    * * * * * : Five stars: go and buy this one, don’t just rent it!

    * * * * : Four stars: put this at the top of your rental list.

    * * * : Three stars: average, not bad just not great either.

    * * : Two stars: only rent if you have to see everything.

    * : One star: don’t waste your time with this.

Jonah Hex

TITLE: Jonah Hex

YEAR: 2010

GENRE: Superhero/Comics and Western

The last few years have been a golden age in superhero films thanks to advanced technology and directors and producers who have a deep personal interest in creating a superior product. This being said, there are also a fair amount of superhero and comic-themed productions that have not been very good and lack in quality storyline, fantastic action sequences, or continuity. Films such as Aeon Flux, Elektra, and Green Lantern have taught the die-hard comic fans that quantity does not mean quality and that there are still some films featuring caped heroes and comic characters that are not worth seeing. One of those films would be the western anti-hero flick Jonah Hex, which very well could be one of the worst comic book themed movies ever made.

Jonah Hex (played by Josh Brolin) is a former Civil War soldier whose family was murdered his family and disfigured his face by Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich). Hex is gifted with extra-ordinary gunfighting skills, unique weapons, and the ability to awakewn the dead to extract information. After collecting a bounty for four brothewrs through unconventional means, Hex visits Lilah (Megan Fox), a gun-toting prostitute and his personal love interest. Wjile visiting Lilah, Hex is captured and is informed that Turnbull is plotting to disrupt centennial celebraetions aroudnthe United Sattes with a new doomsday weapon that can destroy a city with a single shot. Hex agrees to help and investigates the plot, only to discover that Trumbull plans to center his efforts on Washington D.C. at a speech conducted by President Ulysses S. Grant (Aidan Quinn). Hex is ready to confront Turnbull, but when Lilah is captured Hex is forced to surrender and become a prisoner himself on the steamship that will deliver death and dstuction on a massive scale.

The best word to explain Jonah Hex would be disjointed, as the film feels cobbled together and incomplete. The editing is especially bad as some scenes seem chopped together in haste while other more drawn out scenes such as Hex riding on his horse are drawn out. The film is only 81 minutes long including a long introduction and ending credits hitting over seven minutes long, which leaves a limited amount of time to properly develop a story which unfortunately did not happen. I was amazed at how bad the CGI effects happened to be especially when Hex and Lilah were jumping off a boat as the explosion and characters were actually blurry. Brolin does not deliver an inspired performance here and Fox plays her usual tramp with a heart of gold who delivers the worst country bumpkin accent in years, so the major acting is lacking; on the other hand,  props should be given to Michael Fassbender for his good performance of Burke,  a bowler hat wearing tattooed Irishman who serves as Turnbull’s right hand man. The music by the heavy metal Mastodon is also a jumbled mess of hard rock, thundering suspense-oriented symphonic music, and tinkering pianos and banjos associated with Old West movies that is as uninspired and disjointed as the rest of the production.

Jonah Hex was one of the biggest fuinancial bombs of 2010, only grossing about $12 million worldwide when it cost over $47 million to produce. This film’s success was imperative for Fox as she had been fired from the Transformers franchise by executive director Steven Spielberg for criticizing director Michael Bay’s handling of her a year before, and her first post-Transformers role Jennifer’s Body turned out to also be a financial dud; Fox has received a handful of roles after Jonah Hex but almost all of them were in low-budget independent films. Overall Jonah Hex could have been a much better film but its rushed appearance and wooden acting makes this film one of the worst in the superhero genre. Jonah Hex received two nominations at the 2011 Razzie Awards, and they are deserved.

* ½

–Mark

 

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